Sunday, May 27, 2012

So why do they raise and lower the lake?

Charley’s Treasures
 by Charley Norton

Yes this picture is digitally altered for purposes of this column.
No, we do not actually have beavers of this size on Lake Wedowee!

 This has been the most asked question on Lake Wedowee since its conception and there have been a lot of “official” answers. Some of the ones I’ve heard are:  “So people could build their boat docks on dry land“. “They let it down during the rainy season to avoid flooding“. “To improve the fish habitat” or  “so that they (the dam people) could make repairs to the dam“. And of these answers there may be some truth, but I propose that none of them are true and it is a massive cover up to avoid widespread panic. I have recently been told by an old timer that our dam wasn’t built to supply power to the communities. It was built to supply power to a secret government laboratory built deep under ground below Harris dam. This laboratory does experiments on animals requiring a huge amount of power. Experiments that are focused on designing a super trooper. A man that has super human strength and rejuvenatory abilities. Enhanced perception and intelligence are other side effects from these experiments.

   It started in the early 1980s, according to the old timer, there was a terrible accident after a lightning strike and two of the animals escaped from the laboratory. He knew this because he worked there as a custodian at the time. He went on to say that a massive search took place, telling the local community that it was a plane crash they were looking for. After several weeks it was assumed that the animals must have perished. That was until the next Fall.

     “When the water went down the first time, everyone just thought it was Georgia being stingy with the river flow“, said the old timer. That was when the court battles started between the states. Then when Spring came around, without warning, the water began to rise again. Alabama Power began getting inquiries about why it happened. “They were clueless”, the old timer told me laughing to himself. He told me that it was actually him that came up with the first reason. He was getting the trash out of the lab when a scientist, out of pure frustration blurted “What do I tell these people”?! “I just told him to tell them people to shut up and build their docks, I didn’t think they would actually do it,” said the old timer . “But that’s exactly what they did.”

      When the next Fall came around, the water began to drop again. It became obvious that there was something serious going on. After a massive search was performed, the terrifying truth was found. Beaver dams. Not just any Beaver dams, these were massive structures built from entire trees set just below the water level in both the big and little rivers. It confirmed the worst fears of the scientists deep below the Harris dam. The animals that escaped two years before were beavers. Super beavers that were genetically enhanced to build temporary bridges for the military. Not only had they survived, foot print measurements indicated that they had grown substantially, estimated at over a ton each!

    A secret deal was made with out of town logging companies and they blasted the dams with TNT, which they blamed the noise on the rock quarry which caused law suits against them from the surrounding community. It is rumored that a deal was also made with the Messer’s at Wedowee Building Supply and the logs removed and milled were shipped to them at a bargain to keep their silence of the whole affair, which is why their prices are always lower than anyone else’s. Steve Corbin, who was in town hunting the Sasquatch, was secretly hired to track and trap the beavers but after months of tireless efforts, he was unable to find them. He believed that they lived in the flooded Indian caves under the water.

     The power company instituted seemingly unreasonable programs that restricted lake home owners from cutting trees or removing dirt from the shore. They did this to make it easier to find super beaver activity and their tracks on the shore. Doug at D&S Marine was contracted to build a specialty vehicle to track and kill the beavers. The Super Tracking Beaver Whacking Aquatic Vehicle, or S.T.B.W.A.V. was designed with the highest technology but made to look like an ordinary aluminum boat. They put their best men in it over the years, most recently a man only known as Officer Barry, and disguised him as a police officer. This brave man patrols the waters day and night. Although he has had several encounters with the Sasquatch (also suspected as a product of the Harris dam laboratory), the massive super Beavers elude him. 

     Now that the truth is out, I hope that everyone will blame the truly responsible people deep below Harris Dam for this incredible mistake and wave to officer Barry every time you see him. This brave man is the only thing between us and the killer super beavers of Lake Wedowee.

      From the late, great Dr. Podunk (Rumbly), “The best lie is the one with a little truth mixed in”.

Charley Norton is the co-owner of Norton’s Flooring with his brother Tom. The company was founded by his parents more than 35 years ago.


Oh my goodness! So entertaining and so FUNNY! I love it!!!

Post a Comment


Twitter Delicious Facebook Digg Stumbleupon Favorites More

Pin It button on image hover