Friday, April 1, 2011

That'll Grown Hair on Your Chest

Charley's Treasures
by Charley Norton

As the weather warms up and the lake starts to fill, I am finding myself in a better mood. I am definitely not a winter person. I admit the ice storm was pretty fun other than the wounds I sustained when I slammed into the curb near the boat ramp in Chimney Cove while riding my brakeless sled made from laminate flooring.

And “drifting” in my brakeless truck on the icy roads was a blast too. But that is pretty much it for me. I am just one of those people that believes we would be covered in fur if we were meant to be in the cold.

Back in the seventies, it was considered manly to have a little “fur” on your chest. I can’t tell you how many stupid things I did simply because someone said “That’ll grow hair on your chest!”. And to some degree it must of worked because I managed to grow myself a decent crop of which I was very proud. But now chest hair is considered gross and manly men are finding themselves in the shower with a Lady Bic defoliating themselves in order to look attractive to the opposite sex. But that is the world we live in. Everything changes, nothing is constant and when it does change, it is usually the opposite of what it was before.

Not long ago, you weren’t cool unless you had a SUV (the bigger the better) and the Hummer was the dream car. Now there are places that you would be looked at like a axe murderer if you are seen driving one. Politicians have even stepped in and created a special tax for those horrible people. In our business, we have gone from people wanting a shiny new floor to one that looks old and worn out. We developed techniques in taking a perfectly good wood and beating the crap out of it so it would look old and abused. I never thought I would have someone complain that we didn’t mess their floor up enough but I have. I guess it’s all part of what makes us humans so weird and interesting.

A young man came in the store the other day and as is most of my customer conversations, we ended up talking about anything other than flooring. He said that an elder relative once told him, “If it doesn’t make sense, someone’s making money at it”. Since then, I have applied that wisdom to many of my unanswered questions and found peace in its simple resolve. I struggled for months trying to figure out why the perfectly good highway in front of our store was paved and why a hundred thousand dollar turning lane to a seldom used dirt road was added to it. But now it is clear, someone made money at it. I have decided to apply this theory to all my unanswered questions from closed oil rigs, wars, the rise and fall of the stock market, the housing bubble and more. But I can’t help to think, in most of my examples, that for every dollar that someone made, someone else spent several dollars to make it.

So in light of this epiphany, Nortons Flooring is launching a new campaign. Free carpet in every home! That’s right, you read it correctly...Free with no strings attached. The carpet, pad and labor will all be donated by the manufactories for you to enjoy. Here at Nortons, we are joining the excitement by having a sale on vacuum cleaners! Oh, and by the way, APRIL FOOLS!!!!

When not entertaining Lake Wedowee Life readers with his wit and wisdom, Charley is a co-owner of Norton’s Flooring with his brother, Tom. The company was started in 1976 by his mother and father. Norton’s Flooring product are in countless homes on Lake Wedowee and throughout the county.


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