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Friday, October 1, 2010

Discovering new ways for lake fun

Charley's Treasures
by Charley Norton


It happened by accident a few years ago while riding up the big river with my neighbor Avery on the jet skis. We were in the drought and the water was low. It was a perfect day for riding, not too hot, not too cold. It was around this time of year, I think.

While cruising at about 30 miles per hour and checking out the cabins at Possum trot, my jet ski started to hesitate and before I realized it wasn’t mechanical, I came to an abrupt stop. I was aground. So while I sat there checking for the oil slick that I always heard follows a boat running aground, Avery came over to see why I had stopped and then we were both stuck.

We knew what we had to do so we jumped off our jacked up boats and found ourselves almost knee deep in this mysterious goo. It had the consistency of a Jacks milkshake but maybe a little thicker like a frosty from Wendy’s as I don’t think you could suck it through a straw either. But anyway, we were sucked in by this Lake Wedowee snot and it took all the strength we could muster just to pull ourselves free.

Avery and I pushed and pulled our boats for what seemed like an hour, burrowing our feet deep in the river rot and pulling them out, over and over until finally, our boats were free. It took a while, bouncing the back of the boats up and down (that’s how you get crud out of the impeller) until we were sure we could crank them up and off we went, thankful we were the only idiots riding in two inches of water.

After we get back to the house, we fire up the grill, go in the house and start watching some Mythbusters. I reach down to scratch one of the fifty or so ant bites that I keep throughout every summer and jerked back suddenly. “That wasn’t my foot”, I thought to myself, but it was. I turned the light on and to my surprise, I had grown a sixth toe and my big toe had “morphed” into an opposing thumb! “Holy crap,” I thought to myself as I reached my foot over, picked up my iced tea and took a drink.

How am I going to tell Kim and Maggie about this? So I sat there for a minute scratching my head, while Avery is logging on to face book (while squeezing one of those stress balls with his right foot you see with the new sixth toe, he didn’t need his other foot to type anymore).
I told Avery that this happened for a reason. Maybe this is our gift, our calling, be it as it may, to become super heroes of a sort.

We would answer this call and become the “Amazing Monkey Men”. We would champion Wedowee with our good deeds, scaling the highest trees saving kittens and retrieving lost sunglasses from the bottom of the lake.

We would do exhibitions at the school, dominating the monkey bars shouting “Stay in school, Don’t do drugs”! We’d get us a chimp as a mascot, call him Skippy and train him to be a drug sniffing expert. We would work side by side with the Sheriffs office and free the county of drugs for good.

I can just see the headlines “The Amazing Monkey Men and Skippy Trump Crime!!”. There would be a picture of Avery and me with a thug in each hand and foot. It will be great...Only if it were true...

None of that really happened. It’s 4 am and I’m on my fifth cup of coffee so you can’t expect me to stay on track. The truth is that I’m not big on saving cats and Avery can’t stand facebook. Ok and none of the foot stuff either.

The truth is that when I reached down and touched my foot, it was like touching a piece of silk. That mud was like taking a bath in body oil or I guess it was because I’ve never done that and I don’t think any manly man would admit to it if he did. Maybe it was more like soaking your feet in motor oil but that doesn’t sound right either because at 6 bucks a quart, no man would waste that kind of money on his feet (what was I thinking?).

Anyway, it’s suffice to say that there is something good over in Possum Trot that I think the ladies would like. I mean before your wife drives all the way to Atlanta for one of those herbal mudcaps at hundred bucks a pop, which only does her face, leaving the rest of her body a wrinkled mess, why don’t you just ride out to Possum trot, throw her (lovingly) into the lake and smear the life giving, youth induced, mineral rich Possum mud all over her. She’ll thank you for it. Well, except for the sixth toe part.

Charley Norton is co-owner of Norton’s Flooring, a company started by his mother and father in 1976. Norton’s Flooring products are in countless homes on Lake  Wedowee and throughout the county.

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